Mr. Fix-It

Ok … I don’t want this blog to become a relationship-laden website with stories and anecdotes of my failed attempts at love.  So this one isn’t exactly like that.  And the next one will be about TV.

It breaks my heart (yes, I do have one) when I see a friend in distress.  It could be about a relationship gone bad, a tragedy, or just them feeling sick.  I feel bad.  I guess that’s partly why I became a doctor – I don’t like seeing people upset.  And I hate seeing people cry.*

*I know sometimes I present a bravado about not caring, but realistically, I do care about people.  I’ve said before that I really want to believe that everyone is inherently a good person.  I’m just afraid that I’m right in believing that I’m wrongI do get upset when I see someone I care for is upset.  It makes me feel worse when I can’t do anything to fix it.

That’s the thing with me … I have this intense desire to fix everything.  I think that’s why sometimes I’m drawn to certain people.  If they have something that I can improve, I do my hardest to make it better.

The other night, I finally sent a text to a good friend of mine whom I’ve known for a good portion of my life.  She had made some subtle posts on a social networking site that had me a little concerned.  The reply was what I expected – relationship issues.  Isn’t that always the case with 90% of people.  Why do we let others cause us so much pain?

The most surprising thing about this ordeal is that my friend is beautiful.  I’m not talking the “beautiful” that you use to describe your friend because you don’t want to make her feel bad.  No, I’m talking BEAUTIFUL.  GORGEOUS.  MODEL-TYPE STUNNING.  This is a woman that I would bet 90% of all men would seriously consider changing their lives to meet her standards and just get to spend time with her.  This is a woman that is as close to perfect as a female can be.

So how on Earth can a guy not do whatever he has to do to keep her happy?  Because most of us guys are idiots.  Plain and simple.  I’m guilty of it as well, but I’m a different kind of idiot.  If a girl this beautiful was interested in me, I would do whatever I had to do to keep that happiness going.*

*My problem is that I jump into things with both feet and sometimes make the girl feel as though she can do just about anything and I wouldn’t care.  So because I don’t play the “hard to get” game, the girl loses interest in me.  I think this is happening again to me now, but I’m not 100% sure yet.

I felt bad that all I could do was offer support and a listening ear, which is what I offer to all my friends in duress.  I guess I’d be happier if some of them would actually call me and let me help them sometimes.  Helping people is what I tend to do best.  And I have been told that my advice is spot-on, especially when it comes to relationships – which makes sense since none of mine last.

You know what one of the worst parts about this situation is?  I will give the great advice, be the listening ear, show her that there are good guys out there, and the thought that maybe I should be the one she should want will never cross her mind.  And that’s ok with me; I’m not trying to be a friend so that it can blossom into something more.  I know some guys do that, but I have seen so many problems arise when that happens in a group of friends that it’s better if it never happens.  This is not a TV series or anything.  But it is a funny thing …

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Parenting 101

I am currently single.  This is not a recent change in relationship status.  While I have been dating here and there and prefer dating certain people more than others, I am not in a significant exclusive relationship with any one female at this time.

This has some benefits, as I can come and go as I please and don’t have to answer to anyone as to where I am.  But a downside is that I have to experience what I’m about to write all by myself – it would have much more enjoyable had I been able to laugh about it with someone else.

So today, after spending the afternoon on my boat and then going and spending way more money than I anticipated on living room furniture for my new apartment, I decided to stop at a restaurant for a drink, then stayed to have something to eat and watch the Red Sox-Rangers game on TV.

While eating and having my beer, I noticed a family next to me was enjoying their dinner.  At least, most of them were.  Their young son, who couldn’t have been more than 4 years old, was an absolute terror.  He was crying, yelling, hitting his father for not playing with his toys while family tried to eat, and then he got up and began running around the restaurant while his older sister chased after him.

All of got me to wonder – what happened to parenting?

When I was child, my brothers and I were like every other set of 3 boys.  We played rough, were loud, and got dirty.  However, when we were in public, we were perfect.  I’m talking PERFECT.  No yelling, no crying, no screaming, no throwing temper tantrums.  Do you know why?  Because our mother would kill us.

Obviously, I’m being slightly dramatic.  She would never actually kill us – she wasn’t Casey Anthony.  But we didn’t know that.  All we knew was that if we acted up in church, or in the supermarket, or a restaurant, we would get a look that could stop a train, and when we got home, we got hit on our ass with a paddle and punished.  And that was it.  And never again did we do whatever it was that resulted in that punishment.

It wasn’t child abuse.  It was parenting.  My mother yelled, hit and grounded us when we fucked up.  And we learned our lessons and didn’t do it again.  She was an incredible mom and I will be a dad in the same fashion.  If my kid (if I have one) does something bad, he’s getting smacked.  And he’ll learn not to do whatever it was again.  I became a doctor with this type of parenting.  And I guarantee I’m not the only one.

So what happened?  Why are kids able to run the household?  When did parents become such pussies?  Kids today have too much power – they threaten to call DCYF if they have their TV, computer or PS3 taken away.  I’ve watched kids swear at their parents and get no discipline.  If I ever swore at my mother, I’d get a slap across the mouth.  I remember one time where I did threaten to call Social Services.  My mom handed me the phone and said, “Go ahead.  Let them take you to some other family and see if you get the good things you have here.”  Obviously, I realized that it was a stupid idea.

I think the babying of kids has gone too far.  Do I condone beating a child?  Absolutely not.  But a smack in the ass for screaming in the market or running around a restaurant or talking back and being disrespectful is fine.  It will teach the child a lot faster than waiting for him to figure out that he’s an asshole.

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Make or Break Movies

So my wonderfully intelligent friend LtripleR wrote a very interesting piece on blow jobs and movies and well, I’ll let you read it here.  But it got me thinking …

When entering into a relationship, what things must you absolutely have in common in order for the relationship to succeed?  I’m not talking about politics, or religion, or the desire for children or pets, or sexual positions.  I’m talking about movies and TV.

Now, I know that this is a subjective list, and your list might be different from mine.  To be fair, my list is rather extensive, and doesn’t include TV.*  These are 15 movies that, without a doubt, any girl that I want to be with HAS to enjoy watching.  If they haven’t seen the movie**, they have to watch it with me and they MUST enjoy it.

* I will be posting a list of TV shows that are non-negotiable at another time.

** I make exceptions for girls that haven’t seen movies that came out when they were too young to watch them and might not have seen them.  Hey, I don’t really date women too much older than me; most of the girls I want to date were born in the mid-late 80s.  So it’s understandable if they haven’t watched some of these.

So without further ado, here is the list:

1) Dumb and Dumber (1995) – My all-time favorite comedy.  I have watched this film at least 100 times and it never gets old.  There are so many hidden gems, and so many quotable lines.  My brothers and I can recite this entire movie and we’ll laugh the whole time.  If a chick doesn’t like this movie, it says something severe about her sense of humor.

2) The Godfather (1972) – My all-time favorite drama.  It is an epic masterpiece and the standard by which many movies are measured.  I love this film.  Now, due to it’s lengthy running time, it is not essential that a girl want to repeat watching this over like I will, but she must appreciate it and never say anything bad about it.

3) Star Wars (1977) and The Empire Strikes (1981) – She won’t have to like the prequels (or Return of the Jedi – damn Ewoks), but she needs to love these two incredible sagas.*  Between the destruction of the Death Star, to Luke meeting Yoda, to Han Solo and Leia, it has romance, action, drama, fantasy, and everything in between.

* FYI, even though I don’t LOVE the prequels, I do LIKE them.  And one reason I want a son is to sit down with him and watch all 6 in the original order (4-5-6-1-2-3) just to see his reactions.

4) Jaws (1975) – Who the fuck doesn’t LOVE this film?  It caused people to not go to the beach.  How cool is that?!  “You’re gonna need a bigger boat.”  ‘Nuff said.

5) Back to the Future (1985) – The movie that inspired my friend’s post above, it’s a movie I will sit down and watch on TV even though I own it (that goes for most of the films on this list; I own over 400 DVDs, yet stay glued to a TV set all day).

6) Jurassic Park (1993) – Yes, the book has more detail than the movie.  So what?  This movie was ginormous from start to finish and I loved every second of it.  The sequels are OK, but the original is something no one should dislike.

7) Field of Dreams (1989) – This movie can still bring tears to my eyes.  While I understand that it might not evoke the same levels of emotions in women as it should in men, they still need to love this film.  Even if it’s just to watch me cry.

8.* Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982) – Before Sean Penn became a communist asshole, he was hysterical as a stoned-out surfer.  Before Jennifer Jason Leigh became a psycho roommate, she was losing her virginity in a dugout.  Before Judge Reinhold did whatever the hell he was doing in the ’90s, he was jerking off to Phoebe Cates showing her boobs at a pool.  The greatest coming of age comedy of the 80s, it’s a must-see.

*I had to put a period instead of a parenthesis because the site kept making a smiley face with sunglasses.

9) The Breakfast Club (1986) – Excellent film.  Every high school kid should watch it.  Which means if someone still hasn’t seen it, they need their head examined.

10) The Shawshank Redemption (1994) – One of the few movies with a twist ending that I will re-watch.  It is so brilliantly acted that I don’t think there is a single person who’s watched this film and not liked it.  And if there is, I don’t ever want to meet that person because he/she has no soul.

11) The Exorcist (1973) – The only movie that continually gives me chills because I am very religious.  It is my all-time favorite horror movie and any significant other of mine has to have at least watched it once.

12) Private Parts (1997) – I am a Howard Stern Superfan.  If they don’t at least like this movie, they’re gone.

13) The Wizard of Oz (1939) – I love everything about this movie.  The girl I would love to be dating right now has a little girl who will only watch the parts of the movie in color.  I find that to be adorable, although if I hopefully get to stick around for a while, I will at some point have to have her watch the whole movie, even if she doesn’t want to.  If only for “It’s a twister, a twister”, “… and you were there, and you were there, and you were there”, and Judy Garland’s magnificent rendition of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” which makes me think of my grandfather.

14) The Karate Kid (1984) – One of the greatest underdog movies ever, I’m still not sure how the hell Daniel LaRusso beat Johnny from Cobra-Kai.  But he did.  And I used to listen to “You’re the Best” before taking any major exam while in med school.

15) Rocky (1976) – C’mon.  Everyone has to love this movie, if for no other reason than it proves that at one point in time, Sly Stallone could act.

I could go on and on with more and more movies, but I’ll leave the list at 15 for now.  I will probably do another list in the future with more movies, especially once I get my DVD collection unpacked and organized.

These are movies that are pretty much non-negotiable.  Any girl with even a remote interest in dating me needs to know these movies, love these movies, and maybe even quote them.  Or, if she doesn’t like them, she better be friggin’ dynamite in bed.

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What’s Up Doc?

So I’m taking a shot at this whole blogging ordeal.  It’s kind of narcissistic in a sense.  I mean, who am I and why should you care about what I have to say?  But I’m doing it anyway.  If you like the topics I write about, hopefully you’ll like my take on them.  If you don’t like the topic, maybe I’ll say something you laugh or smile at.  Or maybe, just maybe, you’ll develop an intense hatred of me and everything I stand for and believe in and your entire world will be consumed by thoughts of me.

I’d take any of those, to be honest.  Even if you hate me, you’re thinking about me.  And it’s nice to be thought of.

I’ll be honest (I actually can’t lie – kind of like Jim Carrey in “Liar, Liar”, except I technically can lie, I just choose not to), this is my 2nd attempt at this premiere blog.  I accidentally deleted the first one.  I’m normally pretty technically savvy, but I just fucked up* and didn’t know how to navigate through this site. That’s probably because I didn’t read directions – because directions are for idiots, obviously.

*I tend to swear a lot.  I actually would prefer not to, but I grew up swearing and sometimes that just comes out.  I will try to keep it to a minimum though.  You know, for the kids.

Anyway, yes, I actually AM a doctor.  And I am one of those doctors who treats patients on a daily basis, not a Doctor of Education or a Ph.D. or a doc who doesn’t practice.  Not that there is anything wrong with any of those, I just wanted to clarify that I do, in fact, see patients on a day-to-day basis because I will occasionally mention something that someone did that pissed me off.

I used to write a column in my medical school newsletter that ultimately was shut down because evidently it was offensive to some.  That’s how it is, right?  A couple of pussy assholes who can’t take a joke and have no sense of humor have to ruin it for everyone else by complaining just hard enough to the right people.  Damn political correctness and socialistic views.  You won’t find that here.  I speak my mind.  If you don’t like it, there’s the proverbial door.

No topic is without debate, although there are some that I won’t argue because if you don’t agree with me, you’re wrong.  Or you’re stupid and ignorant and need to be educated.  And I do love teaching people – so you’d be in luck.

Archie Bunker, the lovable bigot father from the 1970s sitcom “All In The Family,” had the following quote said about him by his son-in-law, and I think it sometimes applies to me:

“There are only 3 things you can’t talk to him about: Politics, Religion, and anything else.”

If you’re still reading, and even slightly intrigued, then we’ll have fun.  And away we go …


The doctor is in … NOW!

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